AMA #2 -- First Time Out In Public

Ask Me Anything #2

When you first went out, was it fully dressed or did you add more over time?

I don't remember the exact date of the first time I went out in public. I think it was sometime during 1991 or 1992. It was an exciting time for me as I had recently met several local crossdressers. For the first time in my life, I was sharing my crossdressing with someone other than my wife. I learned that there were regular monthly local meetings open for anyone CD, TG, or TS. I attended the first several meetings in drab (dressed as a boy).

Even though my wife knew about my crossdressing, there was no way I could change for any of the meetings we had young children at home. Fortunately, one of the crossdressers I had met said that I could change at his house. He went out quite regularly in public sometimes accompanied by his wife. He told me that he and his wife were going out to dinner before the next meeting and I should join them.

I don't remember too much about that night. I was so excited it seemed like there were gallons of adrenaline flow around inside of me.

Of course, I wanted to "pass" if possible. And if I couldn't, I didn't want to embarrass my friend and his wife. I decided on the "professional businesswoman" look for my first excursion in public. The first women's suit I bought had a black skirt, pants, and blazer. I think I bought it from Lane Bryant. When I first started thinking about possibly going out in public, I was worried that it would be difficult to find any women's clothes that would fit me. I had taken my measurements and checked the sizing in the LB catalog. It looked like they had something that would fit me! I quickly wrote up my order and mailed it in with a check. These were the days before the Internet and on-line shopping. Everything was done by mail. When I received my order and tried it on, I was very happy because it fit me perfectly! For my first excursion in public, this was the outfit I wore.  Here is a photo of me taken about the time of my first public outing.

Ready to go!

I actually have kept the outfit I wore that evening. I decided to try it on several days ago to see how I looked. The style and cut of the suit is from the 90's but didn't look too bad. Bowtie blouses are making a comeback.

The Professional Businesswoman

Looking back on my first time going out in public, I did not feel like a man in a dress. I felt very much like a woman. I wanted to appear as a professional businesswoman and I think achieved that goal. I remember my friend's wife telling me that she was surprised at how comfortable I looked and how easily I moved and acted as a woman. In other words, my movement and actions would signal to everyone that I was a woman out to dinner with friends. I truly FELT like a woman going out to dinner. Going out that night was made extra special because the people at the restaurant treated me like a woman.

I don’t remember too much about the dinner or going to the meeting afterwards. The evening was over too quickly.

I have been out in public many times since then. I never had to "add more". I always dressed appropriately for the event or outing. I try to blend in as much as possible. I've never received any bad or rude comments.

My first time out in public as a woman was a watershed moment for me. However, it caused a lot of problems for my marriage. My wife was adamant that I wouldn't go out in public dressed as a woman to which I agreed to in order to keep the peace between us. Instead of working through the problems I was causing, I decided not to tell her anything. Sadly, I became an excellent liar, something I am not very proud of...

AMA #1 -- What's your definition of "tranny," crossdressing?

This is the first question for a new series called "Ask Me Anything" starting with this post.  I have collected a number of questions frequently and not-so-frequently asked of people in the transgender community.  My answers are MY answers and unless I state otherwise, only from me.  Please send me any questions that you think I should answer either in Comments or via email.  Let's begin!

Ask Me Anything #1

What's your definition of "tranny," crossdressing?

For the first question and answer for AMA, here are my definitions of various terms that I use in this blog.  NOTE: These definitions may not be the same as yours.  I am not saying that my definitions are right and all others are wrong.  I post my definitions so that you can understand how I am communicating.

• MtF -- Male to Female -- This indicates the direction of someone changing their appearance, body, or way of life.  
• FtM -- Female to Male -- This indicates the direction of someone changing their appearance, body, or way of life.  
• MtT -- This is a recent term indicating a man changing to a transgender person.  This is used to reflect the reality that a male cannot become a female due to his DNA.
• Crossdresser (CD) -- A man who wears women's clothes, makeup, and accessories to appear like a woman.
• Transvestite (TV)  -- There are multiple definitions for this term.  It is often used in Britain to mean the same as crossdresser.  In the US, this term is used to describe crossdressing for sexual purposes or as a fetish. (Slang: "tranny")
• Transgender (TG) -- This term has many definitions.  Many years ago "transgender" was used as an umbrella term for anyone who is "trans-".  Because this definition was somewhat vague, over time this definition has been refined.  Today, sometimes "transgender" is used instead of "transsexual".
• Transgender Woman -- MtF or MtT -- A person born male, identifying, appearing or living as a woman.
• Transgender Man -- FtM or FtT -- A person born female, identifying, appearing or living as a man.
• Transsexual (TS) -- A person who is changing their sex using hormones and surgery. Additional terms include:
• Pre-op Transsexual -- Indicates that SRS/GRS has not yet been performed.  
• Post-op Transsexual -- Indicates that SRS/GRS has been performed.
• Non-op Transsexual -- Indicates that SRS/GRS will not performed due to any number of reasons.

• Intersex -- People who were born with a problem with their genitals due to irregular chromosomes.  Often, surgery is required immediately after birth to prevent fatal complications.  Even though this term has been replaced in the medical community that describes the condition better.  Intersex should not be confused with gender identity. However, there may be gender identity issues with people who are intersex.

There are many other terms not listed here.  Facebook users can choose from 50+ different gender and sexual identities.  There isn't one term that I know of to describe all the people in all of the above definitions.  I have seen some people use "T*" or "Trans*" but I don't think these are used universally.

One thing I have found interesting about gender identity (not including Intersex) is that a person has flexibility in which term to use to describe themselves.  There is no blood test, x-ray, MRI, etc. to determine one's gender identity.  A person can use whatever term best fits how they see their gender identity.  Note that these terms are not rigid and restrictive.  A person may describe himself as a crossdresser, then maybe as transgender, and then maybe transsexual.  There is no defined path or progression between these terms.  Also, only one term, crossdress, can be used as a noun or a verb.  The other terms should not and cannot be used as a verb.

Many years ago, crossdressing or transvestism was illegal because society and the legal system linked it to homosexuality.  The predominate point-of-view was that the ONLY reason why a man would dress as a woman would be to attract a homosexual for sexual purposes.  Today, for the most part, gender identity (transgender) and gender presentation (crossdressing) has been unhooked from sexual identity (heterosexual/homosexual).  In my opinion, "transgender" is slowly replacing "transsexual" in order to remove any sexual connotation for changing one's gender.  

Finally, there has been a lot of controversy about gender identity questioning if it is a physical condition, mental condition, or none of the above.  This is a topic that will be discussed in another AMA post.

I'm Back! And Update...

I have not posted for the past few years due to several significant personal issues that took priority over everything else.  I now have some available time to start writing again.

Update:

My last post was written about three years ago.  I had just started a new, exciting relationship.  Unfortunately, my girlfriend had difficulty accepting my "lifestyle" and convinced me to stop crossdressing.  Since I was "in love", I foolishly agreed.  I say "foolish" because how many times have I stopped only to restart months or years later. However, instead of going "cold turkey", I tried phasing it out decreasing how often I crossdressed.

After a couple of years, my girlfriend made it very clear that my crossdressing was a deal breaker to our relationship.  So... I did what I have done a number of times in the past.  I took my activity "underground".  I rented a storage locker and moved all of my clothes and accessories to the locker.  I told my girlfriend that I had gotten rid of everything and she even came over to my house to inspect all of my closets.  

Fast forward about seven months.  I was going through a very difficult, stressful time in my life.  My girlfriend and I had significant issues and we were arguing daily.  Thank goodness I had removed all my clothes and had stopped for awhile, eliminating one major topic to fight about.  It was an easy decision to unhook from my girlfriend because all she did was increase the drama in my life. 

My other personal issues were resolved over the next few months making me free at last!  After what my last girlfriend put me through, there was no way I wanted to attempt another relationship any time soon.

I moved everything out of my storage locker bringing everything back to my home.  After unpacking and putting away everything, I started dressing again.  Since then, I have been living about 3/4 of the time as a woman.  I have no plans to go full-time for a variety of reasons, some of them medical.

My previous posts have focused on stopping crossdressing.  I had stopped for awhile but I found out that just because I stopped, the desire never went away. Not being in a relationship has given me the time and mental energy to take a deep dive into my past to figure out why I do what I do and why the desire never goes away.  I found many things and events I was not aware of growing up that had a significant impact.  I am still processing things because there is so much "junk" to go through.  I will expand upon my findings in future posts.  

I have been living part-time as a woman for about 15 months now and I have never been happier.  I am still burnt out by what my last girlfriend put me through so I am still not interested in starting a new relationship.  I have spent these past few months doing a lot of thinking and evaluating my life.  I discovered that one of the reasons why my past relationships don't work out is because I do not do a very good job of selecting people to be with.  I have decided that if I decide to jump back into the dating pool, it will be as Robyn.  I know that the CD/TG dating pool of women interested in meeting a CD/TG is VERY small.  I will discuss this topic in future posts.