Purging or Cleaning Out Our Closet

Why "Purging" Never Works

How many of us have cleaned out our closets and purged all of our women's clothes, shoes, wigs, jewelry, and makeup at least one time?  How many of us resumed our transformation activities?  How many of us are permanently "cured"?

My first purge happened about a week before my wedding.  I thought that marriage would "cure" me forever.  It was probably about six months before I resumed.

A common definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.  The few times I have purged, I expected that the purge would permanently "cure" me but it never happened.

There are many reasons why we purge.  A marriage or a new relationship often triggers a purge partly due to the expectation of being "cured" or maybe the inability or fear to disclose a part of ourselves that should be disclosed. Sometimes a purge comes from a wife threatening a divorce or a girlfriend's threat to end the relationship. I have encountered several of these ultimatums over the years.  "Are your clothes more important than me?" My responses to these ultimatums were to unhook from several long-term relationships when our discussions failed to reach an agreement or compromise.

I don't think that researchers or therapists have ever asked WHY purging does not work.  Generally, the common belief is that crossdressing cannot be "cured" and it is NOT an addiction.  There has to be a GOOD reason WHY purging doesn't work.

In my opinion, here is why purging does not work:

Today's society has certain "rules", maybe "expectations" might be a better word, about men transforming themselves into women.  Generally, society is okay with men dressing as women for actors portraying women in movies or theatrical performances, wearing a Halloween costume (occasionally), or a "beautyless" pageant or event.  Outside of these, most people believe that men who transform themselves into women is unacceptable.  Reactions run from acceptance to revulsion.  Most people cannot understand why we do what we do, no matter how much education and outreach is done by us. (People can be accepting without understanding.)

One common belief we have (the CD/TG community) is that it is perfectly acceptable at any time for a man to transform himself into a woman, temporarily or permanently, with or without hormones, with or without surgeries.  Years ago someone said to me, "For crossdressers, Halloween is every day."  In other words, many people consider crossdressing not acceptable unless it is Halloween.

Now what about purging?  Let's say that I am in a relationship and I've received an ultimatum and I need to throw away or donate EVERYTHING immediately, no exceptions. Due to the extreme external pressure, everything is cleaned out from my closet.  Now the relationship is supposed to be filled with happiness and joy (and "normal")!

However, according to most research, purges do not work.  Maybe with an empty closet, the desire has been removed so victory can be declared. We all know what will happen sooner or later! The only question is "Will it be 'sooner' or 'later'?"

Doesn't an empty closet demonstrate the "cure"?  NO!

Why not? In a purge, one thing is retained. It is the belief, the interior disposition, that it is okay and perfectly acceptable for men to transform themselves into women at any time for any reason.  Therefore, it is okay and acceptable for me to transform myself into a woman at any time. My purge will not be successful because I will continue to believe this.

For my purge to be successful, there needs to be a fundamental change in my belief that it is NOT acceptable for a man to dress as a woman if it isn't Halloween.

For example, I do not consider crossdressing or living as a woman as being sinful.  Many people (including my ex-spouse) consider crossdressing as sinful. If I continue to believe that crossdressing is not sinful after a purge, my purge will not be successful.  For my purge to be successful, I need to affirm and believe that crossdressing is sinful for me and others.

There may be some men in the community who believe that crossdressing is sinful but they still crossdress. The sinfulness causes shame and guilt and potentially triggers repeated purges.

I have been in a relationship where my girlfriend thought that crossdressing was okay with her. However, it was NOT acceptable for me as her boyfriend. (NIMFF -- Not in my family or friends)
 
My recommendation to anyone considering to purge is to examine and question their fundamental beliefs and if they continue to believe that crossdressing is okay, then do NOT purge.  If the pressure to purge is external, that is from a spouse or partner, then I think there should be an honest discussion about one's fundamental beliefs and why purges rarely work.