Robyn's Ramblings

Is Crossdressing Wrong? - Part 3

2012-01-21T17:09:00.000-08:00

One of the issues mentioned in my previous post is the possible damage crossdressing does to marriages and relationships in general. Of course, there are marriages where wives think that their husband's crossdressing is the best thing about him but those are very few and far between.

How many crossdressers do you know that have not told their wife about their crossdressing? There are two attributes that many crossdressers have in common: vanity and being self-centered. Just look at all the photos crossdressers take of themselves and publicly post them! (I am guilty of doing this...) Many photos are posted with the plea to "please please add your comments..." Some photos are highlighted by how many million times viewed. Isn't this vanity at its worst? Personally, I could care less about how many times my photos have been viewed, comments posts, or how many "followers" my blog has...

Being self-centered and being vain are poison to any relationship whether or not crossdressing is involved. Many crossdressers are unwilling to put the needs of their wife or their family first. Crossdressers often think that their feelings, their desires, and their needs come before anyone else. I know I often thought like that... And when I used to think like that, I honestly believed myself that my needs were more important than anyone else. How can this ever be good?

For some people and some relationships, crossdressing may be okay after all the damaging emotional baggage has been cleared out. For everyone else, we should look at ourselves honestly and see how self-centered and vain we really are. Do our needs and desires occupy first place for us or do we put the needs and desires of our loved ones first or ahead of us all the time? Are we willing to make that sacrifice? Unfortunately, many of us are not that willing...

Is Crossdressing Wrong? - Part 2

2011-12-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

There is a "dirty little secret" about crossdressing that is rarely discussed. As more and more crossdressers become more confident and go public, more crossdressers are stating publicly their desire to quit. In addition, more wives have the strength to publicly declare their dislike of their husband's crossdressing.

If crossdressing is a Really Good Thing (RGT) for us, our wives, our families, and society in general, why would anyone try to stop? How come most wives do not react with joy and excitement when told about their husband's crossdressing? ("We can go shopping together!")

If crossdressing is a Really Good Thing (RGT) for us, our wives, our families, and society in general, why do so many husbands do not tell their wives about it? How come many crossdressers post face-less pictures of themselves?

There does not seem to be a lot of strong evidence to support that crossdressing is a Really Good Thing (RGT).

If it is not a good thing, then is it a bad thing? How many divorces have torn apart families because of crossdressing or as the result of the lies and broken trust caused by crossdressing? How many marriages are there where the husband has not told their wife about it basically resorting to lying to cover his crossdressing? How many marriages are emotionally dead because a wife tolerates (suffers) the crossdressing because separation and/or divorce are not an option.

Crossdressing's dirty little secret is the amount of damage done to marriages, families, and as a result, society.

There are successful marriages that have integrated crossdressing into the relationship. However, I think these are exceptions to the reality of the distress that is present.

Many believe that "There would not be so much anger and distress if wives could only be more educated about their husband's crossdressing and more accepting." No one ever points out that maybe crossdressers should stop their lies and doing things that damage or destroy the trust in their marriage.

Things are not much better for the single crossdressers. How many single women are actively seeking a crossdresser? How many single women break off dating relationships when finding out about date's crossdressing? Unfortunately, there are no firm statistics. My guess is that most women want little to do with crossdressing or crossdressers. It might be okay for them in general, but not when it comes to the man they are intimate with.

Are all these women just intolerant and close-minded? Is there something single women and wives are trying to tell us about our crossdressing that we are ignoring? Or is it crossdressers who are close-minded to the possibility that crossdressing might not be a really good thing after all?

Is Crossdressing a Really Good Thing?

2011-11-25T10:22:00.001-08:00

Many years ago when I first started crossdressing, I did not know anything about it. Was I the only one doing this? Is this a good thing? I spent a lot of my college years in libraries and bookstores trying to find out as much as I could. At that time in the early 1970's, there was no Internet and there was not the abundance of information that is available to us today. Unfortunately, some of the information in textbooks that I found was located in the "abnormal psychology" section or in books about homosexuality. It seemed to me that my crossdressing was not a good thing so I buried it deep inside of me vowing never to tell anyone about it.

The Internet has opened vast worlds of information (and mis-information) to everyone. The amount of information about crossdressing available to us is overwhelming, most positive.

Is Crossdressing a Really Good Thing? There might be many benefits to crossdressing. There may be some advantages to wives and girlfriends (documented here and here). There is a lot to be said about having a positive mental attitude about one's self and crossdressing.

Is Crossdressing a Really Good Thing? If crossdressing is a really good thing, shouldn't we be seeing more positive publicity about it? Shouldn't we be seeing more wives encouraging their husbands or girlfriends encouraging their boyfriends to crossdress? Nope... Maybe it isn't such a good thing after all.

It appears that society has a more positive view about transgender or transsexual than it does about crossdressing. Does society have such a negative view about crossdressing that it drowns out any advantages of identifying as a crossdress? Transgender children and students have been in the news lately. But there is very little news about crossdressing kids and students. I think that if I was a teenager today, I would still suppress my crossdressing or "come out" as transgender or transsexual. No matter what our age, maybe it is easier for us to be seen or identified by the public as a transsexual or transgender person than as a crossdresser until crossdressing becomes a "Really Good Thing".

The Pink Dress

2011-10-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Ever since T-Mobile started their latest ad campaign with Carly Foulkes wearing one of her pink dresses, I thought about a) how beautiful she is (which is probably why she got the job) and b) a pink dress like one of hers might make a really neat Halloween "costume" this year even though I am nowhere near her age....

It would be easy to put the look together and it would be a lot of fun!

This one even looks better:

However, I have not seen these for sale anywhere... Let's use the Internet to go on a shopping expedition!!

Much to my (and many others) dismay, it turns out these dresses are one-of-a-kind custom-made especially for the ads. These are not for sale by anyone anywhere. There is one dress similar in style but definitely not the same color. That dress is sold out all over... Apparently, no one is doing a knock-off copy or even a cheap Halloween costume type of dress based on these.

This surprises me quite a bit! Is this ad so noticeable because the dresses are pink and no one else has anything like it? Clearly the color is meant to visually get people's attention.

Finally, is this pink too girly for today's women? Searching on "pink dress" shows many pink dresses but most of them are a very light pink. The bold pink of these dresses is not common at all... Oh, well...

We will now return to our regularly scheduled material.

Have You Ever Noticed Something Missing?

2011-09-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

No, not that! It's not something physical...

We all strive to look and act like women. (Obviously, I am speaking about MTF...) Some of us know that they are a woman inside their male body and use hormones and surgery to change their body. We embrace and submerge ourselves in femininity and womanhood, sometimes temporarily or sometimes permanently. However, one thing seems to be missing from just about every T-person I have been acquainted with, met, or read their bio in a book or on-line.

The one thing that seems to be missing is children. I know that many T-people are married and have children... But that is not what is missing. What seems to be missing is the desire to have children - to become a mother. Women naturally desire to have children as part of their biology. That is what their bodies are built to do. Of course, there are exceptions... There are some women who do not want children for a variety of reasons. But in general, women want to have children. It is sometimes very tragic for women who desire to have children but cannot. Sometimes adoption is a viable solution.

How many T-people are sad and distressed, not because their bodies don't match their internal image of themselves as women, but because they are infertile and cannot have children? How many T-people actively seek to adopt children? It seems that T-people are satisfied with only changing their bodies and have little or no desire to include "motherhood" in their new life. (I do not consider post-ops who remain married with children here. The family situation is a LOT different than motherhood "from scratch".) Is our concept of what a woman is incomplete or do we deliberately ignore motherhood?

There is a small percentage of women who have no desire to have children but what is the percentage of T-people who have no desire to have children? I do not recall EVER anyone discussing this curious fact.

I have known a couple of CDs that as part of emulating a woman, they have emulated being pregnant. However, the CD community seems to think of pretending to be pregnant as some kind of a weird fetish. Being pregnant is a very real part of many women's lives. If we are emulating women or changing our bodies to be more woman-like, why wouldn't we also have the desire to become pregnant, to become a mother?

Men naturally do not want to become a mother. Men naturally want to be fathers. Does that part of manhood stay with us no matter what we are wearing or how many hormones we take?

The Meaning of Sex and Gender

2011-08-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

Let's jump right in to a huge topic! What is the meaning of sex and gender? Is sex and gender only for our pleasure and fun? And let's toss in "normal" and "natural"...

Our sexuality exists not only for pleasure but in order to mate and procreate. In order for mankind to survive. We HAVE to procreate or we will perish.

If sex and gender are only about pleasure, then they are useless to us like our appendix and our tonsils. There has to be more, a lot more, to sex and gender than just pleasure.

Now if mating were painful maybe like a root canal, no one would want to have sex. For some strange reason, sex is pleasurable for the most part...

Also, for some strange reason, we are sexually attracted to a small, select group. We don't want to mate with everyone and we may be revolted at the thought of mating with some people... Why are we attracted only to people with certain characteristics? (And why are so many of those people not attracted to us?)

Do people have sex with people they are not attracted to? Sure! Is this "normal" and "natural"? If sex (and gender) are only for our pleasure, then of course it is...

Is Gender Important?

2011-07-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

We have all heard the mantra that "sex is between our legs and gender is between our ears" so often that we take for granted that it is a true, scientific fact. And, if it is true, it effectively divides sex and gender into two different, independent attributes.

In the past, people considered their sex and gender the same and words were often used interchangeably. There wasn't much confusion about someone's sex or gender.

Because transsexuals change their sex but not their gender (i.e. "I am a woman (gender?) in a man's (sex?) body."), gender and sex need to be different. They change their body sex to match their brain gender. Changing their body (sex) is easier (?) than changing their brain (gender).

So far, so good? Note that I am not trying to define either sex or gender. I leave that up to the experts.

However, if we extend this paradigm to transgender people (not using "transgender" as an umbrella term for all T* people), presumably they change their gender ("brain") but not their sex ("body"). Changing their brain (gender) is easier (?) than changing their body (sex). The best example are crossdressers who change their gender (appearance) even if only temporarily.

We all know that sex is important to us. It is very important because we would not be here today if there were no sex. But what about gender? If gender is not the same as sex, how important is it in the grand scheme of things? Is gender sort of optional like our appendix where we all start with one but it is pretty much useless?

If gender is between our ears, is it a quality like love, kindness, or thoughtfulness. Or is gender something that can be measured qualitatively like intelligence? Intelligence is important to us because we cannot function without a minimum amount of intelligence. Could we function if we didn't have a minimum "amount" of gender?

No matter how gender is defined, it might not be that important to us because maybe we could be able to live our lives fine without it. Does it matter if there are two or two million genders? Gender might be something really good to have but it is no big deal...

But gender must be important because for T* people, something is out of whack with their gender. Could it be that sex and gender are a lot closer than the distance between the head and the groin? Maybe there is a strong, interdependent relationship between sex and gender we cannot see or refuse to acknowledge if we did.

Could it be that sex isn't between our legs and gender not between our ears because they are together somewhere in-between... like maybe in our heart?

Peace,
Robyn

Do our brains ever lie to us?

2011-06-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

No one ever thinks about their brain and if it is telling them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Occasionally, we might read an article about optical illusions which says what you see isn't always what it is.

Other than the occasional optical illusions, we trust our brains to tell us the truth and to never, ever lie to us. But what if our brains sometimes tell us lies. Not big whoppers like if we jump off of a building we could fly or that we can run faster than a speeding bullet. What if our brain tells us subtle lies that we think are true? For the most part, we believe our brain because we trust our brain to be honest and truthful.

What does this have to do with cross-dressing? Well, whenever I cross-dress and look at myself in the mirror or take a photo of myself, I see a beautiful, happy woman looking at me. However, I am not a woman but a man trying to look like a woman. Now I am not fishing for comments or praise about how I look in the photo. I do not need a boost for my self-esteem. I have gone out in public many, many times and never had any problems passing despite being a little over 6' tall.

This photo is pretty low-key because I didn't even put on any makeup and my wig is hundreds of years old... But all I see in the photo is a beautiful woman. Shouldn't I see a man in a dress? Why don't I see a man in a dress? Maybe I should not trust my own brain to tell me the truth about me.

I get a LOT of emotional satisfaction and enjoyment whenever I transform myself. I admit that I do feel good, make that GREAT. This has not changed in over 45 years! I sometimes wonder if my feelings, my emotional enjoyment, and everything about transforming myself generates certain chemicals in my brain that have become, for lack of a better term, addicting. So my brain will "encourage" me to transform myself in order to get those chemicals going again in my brain. And one of the many ways to encourage me is to tell me that there is a beautiful, wonderful, incredible woman in the photo or in the mirror...

Words Get In The Way

2011-06-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

For many years now I have participated in many discussion forums and blog discussions of all types and subjects. One thing that causes many, many problems is our words and how we put them together in a specific manner to share our thoughts, ideas, and opinions. We put a lot of trust in our readers that they will read our words and understand what we say exactly as we want them to understand.

However, sometimes we use words or phrases that might have several different meanings depending on the context and the author's intent. One of the best examples is the word "love". "I love cheeseburgers" does NOT mean the same as "I love my girlfriend" even though the sentences and structure are almost identical.

Compounding the problem is that whenever we read something, we add our judgments and biases to what we read often subconsciously. For example, if I say to you, "I love cheeseburgers," you might infer that I do not like regular burgers or that I hate turkey burgers. My statement was about cheeseburgers only. I did not state anything about regular or turkey burgers and to imply or infer that I did would be incorrect.

It seems to me that various discussions in the transgender community often have communication difficulties with various words and phrases resulting in a lot of misunderstanding.

One specific problem with words has to do with words and their possible opposite meanings. For example, what is the opposite of "tall" to describe a person? Is it correct to say someone is "short"? Is "short" the opposite of "tall"? If a person isn't tall, they may not be short either. They might be somewhere in-between "short" and "tall". The opposite of "tall" is not "short" but is actually "not tall". The "not tall" group would include everyone who is short and in-between.

We often think of man and woman, male and female, masculine and feminine as distinct opposites. If a person is not a man then they must be a woman. If a person is not male then they must be female. However, I contend that the opposite of "man" is not "woman" but "not man". The opposite of "male" is not "female" but "not male". If a person is not a man, that does not mean that the person is a woman but a "not man". The people who are "not men" certainly include all women but it would also include anyone who is "not woman".

One of the popular theories in the transgender community is the "spectrum" theory where everyone falls somewhere on a line extending from man to woman or from male to female. For example, someone might say that they are 40% man and 60% woman. If there is a "gender" line between "man" and "woman" then this implies that there are an infinite number of genders, not just two genders, man and woman.

I contend that because we have mangled the words so much, we fail to consider that:

men and women are NOT opposite but different, separate, and discrete and
therefore, there cannot be a gender line between man and woman with an infinite number of genders.

If the opposite of "man" is really "not man" instead of "woman", then there is no line and no infinite number of genders. A person is either a "man" or a "not man", a "woman" or a "not woman". This leaves us with two genders, man and woman.

Diversity Through Unity or Unity Through Diversity?

2011-04-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

Recently the Australian Human Rights Commission published a paper Protection from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and sex and/or gender identity.

Since the terminology used in the paper can be quite confusing, Section 2 is “A note on terminology”. Some of the terms used I am very familiar with. However, I have not heard before reading this paper several of the terms. The paper states, “…the use of inappropriate terminology can be disempowering.” Disempowering to whom, I wonder. How does one know if the use is inappropriate? What can guide us in determining appropriate vs. inappropriate?

Here are some of the terms used in the paper:

LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or intersex)
Gay
Lesbian
Bisexual
Transgender
Trans
Transsexual
intersex
androgynous
agender
cross dresser
drag king
drag queen
genderfluid
genderqueer
intergender
neutrois
pansexual
pan-gendered
third gender
third sex
sistergirl
brotherboy

I have been out and about in the transgender community for years now and I admit that I have not heard of some of these terms. I may be guilty of “inappropriate” terminology discussing various issues because I don’t know what some of these mean… Am I “third-sex” or “third-gender”? How would I know? Who determines who or what someone is? If I am “pan-gendered”, how can I prove it? Do I have to be a good cook?

Is there so much diversity that all of these terms are needed? Are there any terms that overlap?

Do all these different terms promote unity in our community or in society? Or do they build walls that separate us from our brothers and sisters?

What do all these terms have in common? Or are these just a mish-mash jumble of terms only used in academia and never used in the real world? Too many questions and not enough answers… I feel very disempowered right now…

Crossdressing or Cross-“Acting”?

2010-11-23T12:16:00.001-08:00

In my previous post, I described the different "types" of crossdressers as I view the community. One thing that is evident is that the crossdressing community has a LOT of variety and diversity. I used to think that all crossdressers were pretty much the same. For me there was a clear distinction as to who is and is not a CD. As I met more and more CDers, it became clear that we might be a lot more different than alike. There have been many discussions about the definition of a crossdresser because there is no 100% accurate scientific test for determination.

Back in the day, CDers would make the distinction between a transvestite and a crossdresser based on the person's motivation. Sexual reasons made one a transvestite, not a crossdresser. Today, sexuality does not seem to factor into the definition at all.

There are several attributes of crossdressing that are often overlooked: appearance and behavior. These attributes can be visualized on a continuous scale.

For example, a man wearing only men's clothes would be at "zero" on this scale. A man wearing women's clothing, makeup, jewelry, and hairstyle would be at 100. A man who "under dresses"; that is, wears women's lingerie but men's outerwear might be at 35 or 40 on the scale.

As for behavior, what is a man doing or how is he acting? A man acting typically "like a man" (let's say drinking beer, smoking a cigar, watching the game on TV with his buds, etc.) would be at "zero" on this scale. A man acting typically "like a woman" (speech, walking, and mannerisms) would be at 100 or "cross-acting".

Relating the appearance and behavior together would look like this:

Behavior/Appearance	Wearing only men's clothes	Wearing women's clothing, makeup, jewelry, and hairstyle
Acting typically "like a man"	Not CD, TG, TS, etc.	Crossdresser
Acting typically "like a woman"	Effeminate man	TG and/or TS

This is not a static table with fixed criteria. Crossdressers "move around" these boxes depending on how they look and act at a particular point in time making this table more like:

Behavior (Acting)/Appearance (Clothing)	Wearing only men's clothes	Wearing women's clothing, makeup, jewelry, and hairstyle
Acting typically "like a man"	Not CD, TG, TS, etc.	Crossdresser




Acting typically "like a woman"	Effeminate man	TG and/or TS

This is only my opinion and not based on any scientific study I have done. I think the behavior of a man (i.e. cross-acting) is as much a determining factor as their appearance to determine their level of crossdressing. Of course, one could factor in time or duration into this chart. Is a man 24/7 or just occasionally crossdressing? Desire can also factor in here as well. Maybe due to circumstances a man may not be able to completely dress and act as a woman but he desires to.

Future posts will analyze this some more…

My Crossdressing and the GM Question

2010-10-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

I received an email recently from someone wanted to know if I went out in public and, if I did, how do I handle the situation whenever a man "hits" on me. Here is my reply:

Do you get out?

Yes, I go out every so often to meet with local TG/CD friends and I go to an occasional TG convention. I don't go out as often as I used to because I have a life outside of CDing which I enjoy tremendously.

The reason I am writing you is that I am having problems on my boundaries on being feminine. I love going out and playing a more feminine role but sometimes I feel a little weird. It is a real blast and liberating.

The reason why it is a "real blast" is because of the adrenaline rush. Adrenaline is a VERY powerful, stimulating, and addicting drug. It drives people to do exciting things so they can experience that "high" from the adrenaline. This makes it very difficult for some people to try to control their behaviors. As far as "liberating" goes, there are a large number of issues we all struggle with day-to-day. To some extent, we are "liberated" from pressures we often have... But is this just escaping or denying what the issues we should address? Yes, it IS FUN! I do not deny it because I have a lot of fun with it. But when it starts to seem out of control, then it may seem like it is fun when it really is something very serious...

My problem is how do you handle when guys hit on you? I get tempted but... I feel funny about my first gm encounter/contact. Funny the more I dress the more I think about being with a gm. Do you have the same feelings? What did you do? Can I ask you?

Well, I've been hit on by GM both in male mode and when CD. I am not interested in guys at all no matter what I am wearing. For me, men are somewhat repulsive. I handle the situation the same way no matter how I am dressed or what I am wearing. I say, "Not interested, you are not my type," which is very true.

I do not understand how someone's core feelings can change by the clothing one wears or by their appearance... I could understand it if you were interested in a GM when in male mode... It could be the adrenaline rush messing with your brain chemistry. I do not know.

You do have to be very aware that there are a LOT of physical, chemical, and probably sexual things going on inside of you when you CD. All of these things going on DO affect your brain, what you are thinking about, how you are thinking about things. Your judgement and thinking ARE affected to some extent.

I cannot tell if you a distressed or encouraged about your feelings. But if you want to control them, you have to understand that what you are doing causes them to start in the first place. If you recognize that, you can tell yourself that these feelings misleading and are not TRUE to who you really are. Allow your feelings to naturally happen and don't make any decisions until they fade when the adrenaline rush wears off.

Does any of this make sense or help you?

Robyn

Different Types of Crossdressers

2010-10-17T13:16:00.001-07:00

I have been crossdressing for a number of years and have met many different "types" of crossdressers. When the public hears or uses the term "crossdresser", they usually have only one image in mind. However, this "image" may not quite align with the type of crossdresser one is. For example, when a husband tells his wife that he is a crossdresser, what does the wife think of first? In the hope of improving communication within our community and with the public, here is my list of the various types of crossdressers including my definitions.

Crossdresser "Type"	Definition
Typical, traditional	Wears articles of women's clothes.
Female emulator	Tries to appear, act, and function in society as much like a woman as possible using clothes, wigs, padding, prosthesis, and special training.
Full-time or "24/7"	This used to be termed a "transgenderist" but now transgender has different, broader meanings. This person lives full-time in society as a woman. Their legal documents reflect their gender presentation. Surgery is not done or contemplated. They do not consider themselves as women like a transsexual. Rather, they just prefer functioning in society as a woman, not as a man.
Under-dresser	Only wears lingerie, never any woman's outer clothes.
Androgynous	It is difficult to tell if this person is a man or a woman. This is done deliberately.
Bearded Lady	Only wears women's clothes and does not attempt to appear as a woman. There is no doubt this is a man.
Drag queen	Female emulation is deliberately over done.
Bedroom	Only wears woman's clothing during sex.
Reluctant	Only crossdresses due to female domination.
Fetish	This type of crossdresser wears clothing that is not typical for most women. Examples of these are the "little-girl" petticoat, the French maid, or BSDM.
Halloween	Only crossdresses on Halloween.
Autogynephilic	They are crossdressed in their sexual fantasies.
Criminal	Crossdresses to hide their identity during criminal activity.
Gay	Crossdresses to attract men.

I will probably revise this list as I think about this some more.

Weight Loss

2010-04-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

I became very sick and tired of how much I weighed... Many of my nice clothes have not fit me for a long time. At the bottom of the page is my Picassa photostream showing some of my more recent photos. Even though I look okay, I have to use a lot of body shaping to prevent my tummy from showing...

I cannot believe how many skirts and dresses that I have that are size 18! So I have started a new weight loss program. I am not going to say how much I weighed when I started or what weight I hope to be. However, my weight goal is well within the range for a normal woman my height. I will be posting some pictures as I progress on my weight loss journey. Wish me luck!

I Love IT!

2009-10-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a couple of photos of me today because I haven't taken any recently. It turned into a marathon photo session. Here is my favorite from all the ones I took:

I hope you agree!

Questions 8, 9, & 10

2009-09-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Here is the next set of questions along with my answers:

Do you have a different hobby that you engage in, other than CD or sex, when you are dressed? Do you feel a need to dress to do certain things, like shop for food, for one example? Are the things you engage in those considered masculine (hunting, fishing, sports), fairly divided, or feminine (Doll collecting, Antiques [charming teapots, pretty saucers], ballet/classical music).

I really don't have different hobbies when I am dressed. I do not feel the need to dress to do certain things although I LIKE to dress to do just about everything... I make sure that I am crossdressed whenever I add something to my blog. Whenever I do some heavy-duty cleaning I do not like to be cross-dressed. I "waste" my masculine clothes on those.
How do you feel -- a woman in a man’s body, a soft and gentle male that doesn’t fit the masculine stereotype, a need to express a different side of your personality, or you were born the wrong gender? Or, do you feel that when you are dressed en femme, you can make out with a man, because you ‘are’ a female in a way?

I am not a woman in a man's body. I am not a soft and gentle male that doesn't fit the masculine stereotype. I don't have a need to express a different side of my personality. I was not born the wrong gender. Whew! I have been recently diagnosed with an inter-sex condition. I am not going to go into all the details. But something happened in the womb before I was born to make me a lot different than most men. Sexually, I am probably one step away from being a eunuch.
When you read a story or watch a movie on TV, does your preference change depending on how you are dressed, or doesn’t it matter? Going deep down, are you affected by the story line depending on how you are dressed?

Yes, sometimes my preferences change depending how I am dressed. If I am watching an adventure or action movie while looking like a man, I identify with the male lead. If I am watching a romatic love story or "chick flick" and I am dressed as a woman, I identify with the female lead.

Questions 5, 6, & 7

2009-09-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

I hope these questions and answers are helpful to you. I think all crossdressers should spend some time looking into themselves in order to gain a better understanding of who they are.

Do you feel that you are a “Sissy” because you “enjoy” wearing the clothes of the “opposite sex,” or are there other feelings aroused in you? Do you feel that the word “Sissy” is appropriate to what you are? Do you feel inferior to females because you are not really one, or are there other factors involved?

No, I have never felt like a "Sissy" or that I am one. Unfortunately, today that term has a very negative meaning. I do not feel inferior or superior to females or males. However, I do understand how other crossdressers prefer to use the term "sissy" to describe them. Some men prefer to be forced into crossdressing or "feminized". This form of humiliation essentially relieves them of any guilt on their part for crossdressing. One thing many crossdressers have is guilt by the train-load... Sometimes the guilt can be overwhelming and crushing. If one was "forced" into their crossdressing, then it makes their guilt go away. "Honestly, I hate looking like a woman!" "This wasn't my decision to look or act like this!" Well, everyone has a brain and should have some maturity to own up to their actions.
Is there a change in the music you like? Do you prefer Classical music when dressed, and Rock or R and B in Drab? Does the music affect you differently in drag and drab? Do you have a change of sports watching: Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastein vs. whoever is Dallas’ quarterback? Do you even watch sports?

No, there is no change in the music I like when I am dressed. Music does not affect me differently. I watch some sports but not a lot. And what I watch is not impacted by what I am wearing.
If you are married, or have an S/O, what is your “en femme” relationship, if any changes, to her? Are you a girlfriend, a Lesbian lover, a maid, or are you a guest just visiting?

I am no longer married so I can only speak about my "en femme" relationship when we were married. This was a very difficult thing to work out in our marriage because my wife did not like my crossdressing very much. For a number of years she did not want to see me crossdressed so she did not really have any "en femme" relationship with me. However, once the ice thawed and she saw me crossdressed, then we had to figure out exactly where Robyn fit into our relationship. First, Robyn was never her lesbian lover as crossdressing was forbidden in bed. I think I wanted no change in the husband-wife dynamic because I felt that I was still me no matter what I was wearing or how I looked. My appearance, though, had a profound impact on how my wife saw me. Our relationship drifted towards being girlfriends and whenever I was crossdressed, it was just like one of her girlfriends visiting. She refused to allow her "girlfriend" to do any "husbandly" things. It seemed to fracture her ability to keep her image of me as her girlfriend separate from her image of me as her husband. Because she kept these images separate, she wanted me to keep them separate as well. I was not supposed to blend or mix those two images together. For example, if we were out shopping, I wasn't supposed to start looking at dresses when I was in "husband"-mode. It was her way of coping with a very difficult situation and I admired her for it. It didn't help save the marriage, though...

Then and Now

2009-09-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here are several photos showing how my crossdressing has evolved or maybe how much I have aged.

This first one was taken many years ago when I first started going out in public. I have many "styles" but one of my favorite is the career "businesswoman" look. I had often thought that if I were to transition, this is how I would look going to work:

Let's fast forward to today (or actually a few days ago...):

I have added a few years and a few pounds... The years I cannot take off, however, I am working on taking off the pounds!

This next picture is an interesting one:

I bought this suit quite awhile ago but this is a very recent photo of me that I posted earlier in the blog. I am re-posting the photo because it goes with the career "businesswoman" theme. The suit has a jacket, a short skort, and a long skirt with a side slit. Here I am wearing the jacket and skort. Even though the outfit is "older", I think it is still very fashionable and I would not be reluctant to wear this outfit to work. (The only issue is that I am not transitioned (nor will I) so I am not en femme at work...)

I love the jacket and skirt combination! I actually have many more woman's business suits than I have men's suits.

Questions 2, 3, & 4

2009-09-24T19:43:00.000-07:00

Today I am answering three questions because one of them is easily answered:

Have you ever felt depressed by your dressing en femme? Was it because you felt like a pervert, like a weirdo, or that you could not be accepted for what you are? Other reasons involved? Do you feel different today?

When I was in my teens and early twenties, my crossdressing frightened me. There was a lot of emotional satisfaction from my crossdressing which was a good thing but I definitely felt different and weird. I knew I wasn't a pervert. I spent a lot of my free time in college researching crossdressing. This was way before the Internet. Most of the information I found on crossdressing at that time was in psychology books in the "Abnormal Psychology" chapter. I knew that my crossdressing was not normal and hiding it caused a lot of stress. I never felt like I could share my crossdressing with anyone. I did not realize that I could never be accepted for who I really am if I could not share who I really am.

I feel very different today. I am very comfortable with my crossdressing. It has caused problems with others not being able to accept me for who I am but I can deal with that for the most part. Unfortunately, my crossdressing contributed to my divorce. Also, crossdressing is a huge deal-breaker for most women out in the dating world... They want to date men who are men 100%, not men who are "part-time" women like myself.
If you were “forced,” by whom – a friend, sister, mother or aunt, cousin? Did you want to, or did you feel you “had” to do it? (As this may be personal, think: were there pictures taken?) Was there a change in your relationship with the person who dressed you? For the better, or did it go the other way? Was there a change in you, in how you viewed yourself and others?

This is the easiest question to answer! I have never been "forced" and never have had anyone involved deeply in my crossdressing.
Have you found a change in demeanor when you are en femme? Has dressing en femme, or being forced to dress, made a significant change in manners, drab dress, obedience, and neatness? Are you better mannered, feel a need to be quieter? Is there a ‘profound’ change in your outlook on life, things in general? Are you “really” happier when dressed, and is there a way you can put it in words?

I am the same person no matter what I am wearing or how I look. The only noticeable difference is the way I walk and the way I talk. My actions and my speaking reflect my appearance.

I am DEFINITELY happier when I am dressed. ("I am not a 'cross' dresser. I am a HAPPY dresser!") Words cannot describe the joy I feel when I am cross-dressed. I feel totally in harmony and at peace with myself. For years and years I have been fighting with myself to be the man I thought I was. I now understand I cannot be the man I thought I should be. My inner war is over!

Important Questions about Crossdressing

2009-09-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have been asked and have asked myself many questions about my crossdressing. I found myself wondering what could I put in my blog other than the usual "stuff".

I will now be posting various questions about my crossdressing and my answers. My hope is that these questions and answers may help someone in their journey. The first set of questions came from an article on StorySite.

Here is the first question:

The first time, why did you try on that dress, that girdle and stockings, that nightie, or those panties? You knew they weren’t meant for a boy, or male! So, what made you pick them up in the first place? Did any particular item have a special meaning to you?

I first tried on woman's clothes after reading in newspapers (mostly Ann Lander's column) about different men who crossdressed. They described the happiness and the joy. This seemed to be a harmless activity. I definitely knew that the clothing I was putting on was not meant for men. I wanted to see if I had the same reaction to wearing these clothes as these men did. There wasn't any particular item that had any special meaning to me. I remember starting with the undergarments and proceeding very quickly to completely dressing as a woman. Another thing that I remember is that even though these were not made for men, it felt okay to be wearing them. I was very aware that not all men or boys do this and there was no way I was ever going to share my activities with anyone.

My LBD

2009-07-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

One more photo for today... I am wearing my favorite LBD. I love this because it is crushed velvet. I often wonder if someone my age should wear a dress that is short like this... However, I like my legs and I don't mind showing them off!

Even though it is impossible to tell from this photograph, my black pantyhose are from Target. They are called "Luxe" which I guess is supposed to mean "luxurious". They are made with a different weave to give a very soft, luxurious texture. They definitely do not feel the same as regular, everyday pantyhose!

I enjoy dressing up and paying a couple of dollars more for the pantyhose to go with my extra special LBD!

Outdoors!

2009-07-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

These photos were taken outside while I was attending a conference last year. I really like these photos! The dress is from JC Pennys. I like shopping at Pennys because they have very good clothing that is very stylish and reasonable prices. The other reason why I like to shop at Pennys is because they carry a large selection of Women's Tall sizes. This dress I am wearing is a Women's Tall size. Since I am 6'1" without shoes, I often need to wear tall sizes especially for sleeves. What is really funny is that I don't wear tall sizes for pants because my legs are not very proportional to my height...

I am wearing a new wig that is very comfortable and very stylish!

The red hat is not mine... :-(

This was a very fun and exciting day for me! I really enjoyed myself at the conference. I am looking forward to the one next year.

Photo Uploads

2009-07-12T17:15:00.001-07:00

I am finally getting things together and uploading photos to share with you. I finally downloaded the Google Picassa software which has catologed everything on my computer. I can upload photos directly to Picassa on-line and then link them into this blog. The software makes everything a LOT easier...

It has been a long time... Too long!

2009-07-11T15:31:00.000-07:00

I see it has been two months since my last post! No wonder why no one is following this....

Well, today I tried using "tag clouds" for this blog so listed below is the "tag cloud" for this blog. It isn't dynamic so after a few more blog posts I will probably either delete this or update it....

blog camera coat comments fashion fun gender girl hair labels lot love makeup phone photo pm posted reactions really result robyn something think today wearing

created at TagCrowd.com

New Camera Phone

2009-05-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

I have some photos to share taken using my new camera phone. What do you think?

Also, I occasional find some really nice things at Target. The other day I was looking for a maxi-dress but could not find anything nice. I saw this top and had to buy it! I like the fit, the style, and the price!

I also took some videos that I will have to try to upload to see how they look on my blog.

(I am also trying something new with my hair after receiving some good suggestions about my bangs...)

Blogging from my telephone..

2009-05-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is an experiment today. I am writing this from my new mobile phone. What an amazing device. Who would have thought that telephones would evolve into something so powerful, yet personal. I am not used to this browser so I don't know how this will look. I am also going to try and upload a photo or two. Wish me luck!

Update #1: The Opera browser stinks. Pages are not formatted at all. IE works better. Still trying to add a photo.

My Gender

2009-04-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

For anyone who questions my gender, all you have to do is have GenderAnalyzer check out my blog. It will tell you that this blog is written by a woman... Duh! Sometimes I guess it is hard to tell for some blogs.

Today is going to be a another hot, hot day so it is a definitely casual day with short shorts and a t-shirt...

Latest News

2009-04-03T11:56:00.001-07:00

I know it has been awhile since I have made an update here. I generally make updates whenever I have something good or fun to share, especially if I can include a photo or two... Recently, I haven't been taking any photos because I misplaced my camera. I know it is around here somewhere but I just cannot remember where I put it. No camera, no photos... I really should be searching for it instead of writing on this blog.

I do have one new photo to share with you. I took this earlier this week trying out a new hair style. The picture is somewhat grainy because I did not have a lot of available light. Of course, any comments are welcome. (Somehow I don't think I will be getting very many because there is only one subscription to my blog... Are we getting all blogged out???)

I think this hairstyle would look a lot better with some fringe bangs. I will have to do some re-styling and post my results. Stay tuned!

What Kind of Girl Am I?

2009-03-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I am addicted to taking a lot of those "cutesy" quizzes that try to tell you what kind of person you are.

Tonight I took the "What Kind of Girl Am I?" quiz. Here is my result:

Your result for The What Kind of Girl are You Test...

PERFECTION!!!!!!!!!

You scored 77 looks, 60 personality, 80 politics, and 52 sex drive!

You are beautiful, have a great personality, know your politics, and have a high sex drive. You are the girl of any man's dreams. You know what you are doing in bed, you're fairly conservative, and you know how to treat your loved one. Men have been waiting for a girl like you all their lives. You probably know how to make sure that the ones you love are happy. You will make someone a great wife or girlfriend someday, if you haven't already. You're the kind of girl that everyone wants. You're probably fun in a conversation and I'm sure that you are as lovable as you are beautiful. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, make sure you live it to the fullest, and keep being the person that you seem to be.

Take The What Kind of Girl are You Test at HelloQuizzy

First of all, that is NOT a picture of me! Second, I think the results are fairly accurate... especially making a great wife or girlfriend someday... Yes, maybe someday...

Today's Makeup and Fashion

2009-03-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

I start a new blog and I haven't written in it for a few days now. It is time to catch up!

Every makeup article, book, or how-to I read always says to stay away from using lots of eyeliner under the eyes because it can make one look like a raccoon. However, I am seeing more and more women every day who use something under their eyes. And it looks real good... at least on them. So tonight I'd thought I would attempt "that look" to see if it would work for me.

I really, really like using makeup. Every time I start putting makeup on I feel like an artist with a fresh canvas. What masterpiece will I paint today? I experiment here and there with different looks and it is a LOT of fun!

Attached is a photo of today's attempt.

The other thing I wanted to discuss today is fashion, or my lack of good fashion sense. I admit that I get stuck in a rut with some of my clothes. I REALLY like a lot of the styles and fashions that came out in the 90's. It is too bad that fashion seems to change on a yearly basis. I know I should give away all of my old clothes, and I have given away some of them, but there are others that I just love wearing. Not only do I like wearing them, I think I look real good in them.

The outfit I am wearing today is probably about twelve years old. I remember when I first saw it that I just had to have it. This outfit has three pieces, a jacket, a skort, and a long skirt. Today I am just wearing the jacket and the skort. It is very, very comfortable and I really enjoy wearing it! I am NOT giving this outfit away! Maybe one of these days it will come back in fashion...

Over the next few weeks I will be posting some of my favorite outfits from the 90's.

Working at Home

2009-03-07T13:30:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I had an opportunity to work at home. Even though it wasn't raining outside, it was still sort of chilly. I decided to wear a gray turtleneck sweater, black skirt, taupe pantyhose, black heels, and my black wool blazer. I used daytime makeup because I like looking professional. I love this outfit because it never seems to go out of style, it is practical, and it is comfortable. Here is a photo of me from yesterday. Words cannot describe how wonderful I felt being dressed like I was!

One thing that is somewhat frustrating is that several people have told me that I should not wear my hair long like this. They say it makes my face look longer. Well, maybe... but I really like how I look with longer hair. I have always liked my hair longer... But maybe it is time to move on to shorter hair styles...

Also, I recently purchased a trench coat. It was something I just HAD to have. I just could NOT live without one anymore! (Can you relate?) So I went on several shopping expeditions and finally found one I liked at a reasonable price. Here is a photo of me wearing my new trench coat:

My new coat has kept me quite warm this winter! And as a nice bonus, it goes with everything!

My First Post!

2009-03-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

I am so excited! I have finally made it here!

I currently have a blog on another site that I will have to delete now that I am here. I started seeing more and more people using this blogger than any other so I figured, "Why not?" This post really doesn't have any real content in it as it is just saying, "Hello, world!" It gives me a change to experiment with the various features of this blogging system.

One of the things I have to do is to figure out how to move all of the blogs I am following using Internet Exploder over to my Google reader and then post the links to them here. There is always something new to learn!

Take care!